Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
