people are starting to question the shark bite story
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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