Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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