Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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