wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
