I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So much rum. So many feels.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
