why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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