I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
