I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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