Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
