you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
