Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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