So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
