im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
