So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
