The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
