Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
