She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
