we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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