Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
