If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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