I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize