My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
