This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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