I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
