i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
