That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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