Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
