I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
