I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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