he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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