I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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