i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
