My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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