Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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