I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround