i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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