then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
