I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
