is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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