Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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