And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
