I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
