Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
