Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
