We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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