i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
