I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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