it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
People in love make me want to vomit
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize