If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
