do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
