Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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