I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
