the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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