She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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