Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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