Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize