Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize