my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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