peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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