It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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