I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
