I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
