Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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