I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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