i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
