The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had sex on a roof
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
