Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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