Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Please don't give away my fajitas
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
